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Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
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Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
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Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
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Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
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I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
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Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
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The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
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Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI?!
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
After I\'m dead I\'d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Minsky\'s Second Law: Don\'t just do something. Stand there.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:26
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